my lifeas itis.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Sonnet To The Soul by Muhammad Hidhir Bin Md Razak
I have seen tears of laughter
Of sadness and despair
Seen them wept like bright colours
or masked, an empty stare
Saw soul's blood, silver wetness
Glimmering resplendence
Witnessed tears of hopelessness
And fiery defiance
Those of remorse, so forlorn
No I shall not forget
Souls a'bleeding fresh, so torn
Tears salty from regret
I have seen all, and more I'll see
Until my own torn soul flies free.
But let rivers run their course
They carve on which they flow
Tears of joy, those of remorse
All dry as cool winds blow
See it now, your miracle
The salve, the wounds it healed
See it now, the spectacle
The smile, lips cracked and peeled
No matter,it hurts I know
But please, take heed my friend
Skin is only skin, it grows
But hearts, need more to mend.
To have seen all, still more to see
I know, as now my soul flies free.
still the same.|
8:37 PM
It was a sad sad day today. We finally had our goodbyes said to Liu Jien Le, gone forever from among the psychos of class 0641B of I****A J****r College. If i am the mother of the class (come from me nagging at them a lot I think), then he has to be the middle brother, the ultimate joker. Everyday, he would say something that made us all laugh, made us huff in annoyance or made us nod in agreement.
"Hey, Ass," was his usual form of greeting, whether it be morning, noon or evening. Even though we always respond back appropriately ("Youlah, ass,"), we know he has never meant them to be hurtful. Thinking back, i think he was one of the most distinct personalities in the class, sharp and witty, never at a loss of words(his vocabulary of vulgarities is most impressive, not to mention multi-lingual) and always outspoken.
Yes, I teared up in the morning when we were saying goodbye to him. Some of the other girls were crying. It was a spirit crusher, him leaving. I don't think our class will ever be the same again. His kiasuness will always be remembered fondly. I think it was because of this our class got table to sit on duirng lunch half the time(his bag will be on the table, his self will be running to join the queue) nad his conversations were always....interesting.
Hmmm...my only wish for him right now is..... he be successful in life. He can make it far(he's the only one in our class with 2 distinctions to his name already: Chinese and Project Work). I wish him all the best....even if he decides to follow his dream of opening a farm in Singapore.
And lastly, if you are reading this, ass, please know that you didn't shame us in any way. We were proud of you when you stood up there in front of the whole school. We supported you, through and through. We were proud of you, being able to face the whole crowd and tell it like it is. We really didn't care about you having supposedly 'shamed' us(once again, you didn't), but we really were sad to see you go.
Original number of 0641B class members: 22
Now: 18 (including Abby, she's one of us now)
I hope the number still remains as it is by the end of this year.....
still the same.|
7:22 PM
Thursday, April 19, 2007
SIGH...here we go again....
We all know those times when we were given warnings as to what we blog about. No going against authority figures, no racial or religiously insensitive remarks, no critisizing the government......whatever. I've heard it all. We are warned that whatever we blog about, prepare to bear the consequences. But just to be fair, shouldn't those who read blogs prepare themselves as to what they might be reading after clicking he link to our blogs?
I hardly write about my daily activities in my blog(in case you haven't noticed). They are bad enough for me to through them once. Twice doesn't make it any less boring. No. I blog about what I feel about certain issues, certain people, certain....things. It is a way of letting out what I think needs to be said, regardless of anyone reading it thinks. And I feel that it is sad that we, as a democracy, are being told to be careful of what we write, what we say, what we tell other people. They say we, as bloggers, should understand what their position is, why they can; allow certain things to be said. I say they should understand why we are saying the things we say.
If they say we are not informed enough to critic, unable to open our minds as to understand certain sensitivities, I say then that they have failed to keep us informed and they have failed to open their minds to what we are saying.
I understand that people get very upset, even disappointed when they find themselves the subject, the recieving end of harsh words and sometimes nefarious verbal abuse. Chances are, these people who write or blog about these things were themselves upset, were themselves disappointed as to how they themselves were treated.
I just think it's...sad that this topic is rising up again. They admit that we, young adults and students, are the future of this country and this generation is being silenced on topics that affect them the most. Of course we criticise our schools. We go there almost everyday, we spend half of our daily share of hours just sloughing away there, all for the sake of our future. We don't totally hate it bu we can't say we thoroughly enjoy it either. And of course, as those who are being managed by a sytem, we are the ones who would be the first to see its flaws anbd comment on it.
"I think. Therefore, I am."
If we do not express what we think, in one way or another, bluntly, frankly, in all its painful glory. What will become of us? They call us the strawberry generation, pampered and sheltered. I think it is obvious why. The moment we show a bit of spunk, a little streak of independence, a measure of outspoken(ness), we are warned/threatened of/with punishment and consequences.
It may sadden some people to read this. But know that I myself am saddened in writing this.
Oh, and by the way....
still the same.|
7:29 PM
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Gah!!!!
It's just a crush, really.
But it's like, everytime I see her in the canteen or somewhere in school I'm half tempted to go up to her, give her a big wide smile and say "Hi!".
But the other half keeps pulling back saying "Run before she sees you!".
Me, being me, always decide to compromise and walk past her, saying "Hi!" only when she looks up and says "Hi" first.
Bleahg....bleagh...bleagh...
Our longest conversation was about the
weather of all things...
It went something like this:
Her: "Hey Hidhir, have you seen ******?"
Me" "Not really. Why?"
"No, it's just that she has my umbrella and I need it back..."
"Yeah, the weather has been kinda bad hasn't it?"
"Yes, it keeps raining in the afternoon..."]
"At least it's not hot"
"...interferes with training."
"But it's been getting warmer lately."
"Yeah...... K, see you later"
It astounds me, the depth and passion of our conversation. Did you notice how witty I sounded in my wooing her? No? Exactly the problem.
Don't bother asking me who she is. Either you won't know her or, in the off chance that you do, I might be lying anyway.
But i really should be worrying more about my results. Currently they are as follows:
General Paper: D
Eng. Literature: E
Geography: E
Economics: U
Mathematics: U
Yes, please gasp is awe at the horror that is my results.
But the thing I'm most concerned about is the chance for me to go to UK, which requires me to pass at least one H1 subject and two H2 subjects, which i actually did (General Paper, Eng. Literature and Geography).
I'm just hoping and praying that all the others who have submitted their names did horribly (yes, I'm terrible I know). Or at least those fom the other classes. Going with my classmates should be very fun.
still the same.|
12:03 AM