keys

my lifeas itis.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Not a cheerful entry. You have been warned.

Have you ever had that feeling where everything is just not worth it? I mean, you get great results, you work hard, you get great results again(not saying i will), you go into university(not saying i will), you get a great job(whatever), get that perfect wife, get that perfect family, get that terminable disease and then you get your face printed in the Orbituary Section(if your children happen to be rich). And some people don't even get to go the full cycle.

Some of you may have heard about the 20++ year old man who died suddenly a few weeks ago(it was one the news), with speculations of him having the Sudden Death Syndrome. That man was my sister-in-law's younger brother(rest his soul). I attended the funeral. Saw the shell-shocked face of his parents. Saw the confused face of my sister-in-law. Saw the weeping aunts and sombre uncles. Saw the deceased bride-to-be crying her intestines out, heart wrenching sobs, not even able to eat. Now i still visit them( the parents, we're quite close). They smile less, though they're still very nice. They keep his room closed though once in a while they bring the mattress out for my nephews, their grandchildren. And i couldn't help but think that it isn't fair. It isn't fair at all. He had a whole life planned out, getting married in September, going for a business trip to Germany in June( he just got promoted), maybe buying a new flat next year. Then he's dead. Just like that.

It got me thinking. Is it all worth it? All this 'do things now for your future' thing, when your life can go in a few years, a few months, tomorrow? "You all must think about what you all want to do in the future, now" Mrs Siva said to us the last Civics period. What if 'now' is all we have left and we don't even know it? What if the next time you drink, water accidentally go into your wind pipe instead of your oesophagus and you die because air can't get into your lungs? What if the next Sumatran Earthquake is the prognosticated 'big one' seismolgist have been warning us of for years(which will make the 2004 Tsunami Quake seem like a shiver) and the quake reaches Singapore? To the best of my knowledge, many if not most Singapore buildings were not built to withsatnd earthquakes. How many Jc/Poly/Uni students, sloughing away for their future, die then?

But then again, what's there to say we won't die and live until the age of 110 with our sole income the remnants of our CPF and the occasional 'hong bao'? Life is just too uncertain. I'm not saying we all just take off our clothes and run around butt naked just to live for the moment. I guess, we just need to enjoy the things we can do now, do them, balancing work and play, for both scenarios. But I'm still unsure. Really. I don't know anymore.

But life goes on i guess. My nephews will grow up never knowing they had another uncle. But that won't stop them from running in the sun, playing with sand on the beach. They will still get to watch Ugly Betty ( the show is not bad btw, i kinda like it). They'll go to school, preparing themselves for the all imporatnt future. I still get to blog, catch up with friends, read and write and fret over poems.

They say it's the little thing that matters. Those who believes this are the ones who are looking at the bigger picture. The other one looks at the big picture. But they afraid of the furture and by eing so they forgo their present.

Which one are you?

still the same.| 11:45 PM